Today we watched a video clip for writing and this is my writing
I went down I didn't see the brown boat so I went back up and the gold stars were gone I looked up and saw a giant star I jumped on it and it flow off it took me to a place of animals and candy
The moon walk
Wow I'm on the bright shinny moon and I got called over for something I don't know what it's for
I went down I didn't see the brown boat so I went back up and the gold stars were gone I looked up and saw a giant star I jumped on it and it flow off it took me to a place of animals and candy
and there I saw my grandpa and dad we stayed there for ever and ever
and did every we could there. (Did I say it was a magic island so we would never die).
and did every we could there. (Did I say it was a magic island so we would never die).
The End
This is my draft piece of writing please comment on what I can do better.
This is my draft piece of writing please comment on what I can do better.
To Toby
ReplyDeleteI like your imagination about the animals and candy land where you never die.
Can you edit your writing and set the scene for your reader. How did you get onto the bright, shiny moon?
From Mrs Natusch