Explanation Writing

                                How milk from the cow to the supermarket

The cows feed from the grass and spends up to 8 hours eating a day. The cows can only process milk after the have a baby calf when the cow is two years old. The calf feeds from its mums milk until the calf is old enough to eat grass. The cow eats 40 pounds of food a day and drink the same amount of water in a bathtub.

When the cows make milk it travels through pipes to the storage room to keep the milk cold. Then the tanker picks up the milk in 1 to 2 days and it keeps it cold with stainless steel. The tanker takes the milk to the milk factory and gets tested to see if the milk is good or bad and the good milk get pumped into storage silos.

Then the milk gets put into bottles and crates and they send it off to the supermarket.

The Slide

It was 7:30 in the morning and it was a school day today and we were going on a school trip to bo-bo land so I went to school and bo-bo land was so cool I had to go on one more thing and it was the terror slide of doom it looked so big and it looked like a tunnel so I went down it and it shot me too fast it made me go back in time to the point that he was going down the slide so he didn't and went home.That slide was so slippery.

                                                                The End
This is a draft piece of writing. comment on what I can do better.

Writing

Today we watched a video clip for writing and this is my writing

                                                                

                                                   The moon walk

 Wow I'm on the bright shinny moon and I got called over for something I don't know what it's for

I went down I didn't see the brown boat so I went back up and the gold stars were gone I looked up and saw a giant star I jumped on it and it flow off  it took me to a place of animals and candy

and there I saw my grandpa and dad we stayed there for ever and ever
and did every we could there. (Did I say it was a magic island so we would never die).

                                                                       The End
This is my draft piece of writing please comment on what I can do better.

Writing

Wow! I'm on a flying turtle it was much better then the cruddy old blimp
look at me I'm the king of the turtles but wait I'm going through storm Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
it ducklings Aaaahhhh wait why am I sceard of ducklings but I'm failing I cant believe I didn't notice that
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh (afff )  Wow is there here any thing but white  the walls fell  squishy I took a
bite wow its a giant marshmallow I went out I saw so much candy I ate so much I got fat I exploded and that was the end of me.

                       This is my draft peace or writing.
                  please comment on what I can do better. 

Winter Poem

Winter

Cold, Freezing
Cocoa,Fire place,Snow man
Snow balls all around
Cold season

How To Make Chocolate

On a cacao tree white flowers grows. A bug called a Midge pollinates the white flowers. Then a fruit pod grows from the flower for 6 months. Next people cut the fruit pod by hand.

After you find cacao beans inside. (Warning do not eat they taste like green apples)

Leave the beans to ferment in a box. After that put in a diffeernt box to dry in the sun. Now they are rosted for 30 min. Next ground the beans to powder.

Then add suger to the powder. After melt the powder to liquid.

Add to a mould to set.

Flying Frogs

It was a stary night around 8.00pm in London on Tuesday I was on a lilly pad sleeping.All of sudden I started floating it was so amazing.I went past a small house and waved to the person inside.It was really cold I bumped into a white sheet.It got women. It was so cool.I went to a purple house and got the remote and changed the channel with my tounge.

There were lost of frogs in the house an a old women was sleeping on her chair we
exited the house and went past big Ben then I went to the city and started to fall. I dived in to
the swamp and it was all over.Detectives stared to be nosey and hunted as down.

Next Tuesday around 7.58am pig started to fly lucky them.

This is my draft piece of writing. Can you make a comment and let me know what I did well and what I can improve on?

All about me

Hi my name is Toby. I am 7.11 years old. My favourite toy is trash packs.
My favourite part of school is swimming because I like spashing.
I have two cats named Enzo and porsha and I have one brother named Devin.
My favourite sport is soccer.
I am an ICT leader, helpful and arty.
My favourite colour is yellow.

Reading my writing to the class

When I read out loud I can speak clearly.

I need to work on proofreading my writing. When reading to an audience I need to make eye contact.

Cinquain poem

spiders

big, small

scary, swinging, bounce

always making different web

eight legged creatures

spiders

Celebration

Easter is a celebration where you hunt for easter egg's.

Athletics

For athletics we are learning to do the scissor jump.

Teachers

My favourite teacher is Mrs N because she teaches us lots of new things each day.

My teacher helps my achieve my goals too.

Computers

Computers are good because they have lots of cool games on it but sometime it is slow.

Recount writing

This is a sample of my recount writing.

Procedural writing

Making Jelly

Goal: to make jelly

Ingredients

• Spoon


• Bowl


• Measuring bowl


• jelly sachet

Steps

1.Pour the jelly sachet in the bowl.

2. Measure two cups of hot bowing water and then pour in the bowl.

3.Mix till it dissolves.

4.Put it in the fridge to set for two hours.

5. Now you have your jelly